Mr. Kirby

So for us young ones, i.e. me and the Uke(hubby, who always plays uke...), you might think that we have crazy fun Saturday nights... For our Saturday night of this exciting labor day weekend, we went all out, I mean crazy! Just listen here... so me and the uke were feeling a little hungry, not sure what we wanted to do....the uke wanted to watch a football game that was on, so we thought we should go to the local sports bar-great. However, as we were on our way out at about 7:45, literally locking up, turning off the lights, we were greeted by the nicest of men at our door. This young gentlemen asked us if he and his friend could clean a part of our carpet to show a product. He said we don't have to buy anything, but by us letting them do this they would receive money towards their college credits. He said it would be about five minutes. So uke, being the nicest of guys said "sure". 8:05- finally both men arrive, one bringing in boxes and boxes of stuff, he plops down on our living room carpet. The other one (who slightly resembles a peewee herman doll in a suit that talked that my cousin had as a child)begins to talk at about 90 mph about the "Kirby," a state of the art vacuum....he goes on and on and on. Not too mention when he calls in our name, the Uke's cover is blown...so now they think, of course we are going to buy. Finally Billy Mays on the floor has finished putting together the parts. He has to put together the vacuum every time, because he usually leaves them in peoples houses...bs...so anyway...I begin to salivate because, if you do not know me...I love infomercials....I have never bought anything from them, poor Billy, but I do love watching them. And here it was, Billy Mays, in my own house, my own living room. 8:20, he finally starts his demonstration, Herman leaves. Billy begins to vacuum various parts of our living room floor pulling up hair and dirt that's been in their for who knows how long. He vacuums the stairs, the wood, the carpet, our own maid, we just let him go. About half way through his little demonstration, we ask, "how much is this thing anyway". He says "well it can be whatever you want, my job is to make it affordable for you." We say, "but what is the total cost," "$3200". Both our mouths drop. They really stop by peoples house expecting them to pay three thousand dollars! ummm, yeah right, not now. So we act as though we have not just been blown away, and work on our escape. Jordon begins to tell him that we love the product, as it was the most amazing vacuum I had ever seen, but that right now with moving and everything, its just too much, but we'd like to think about it. 8:45- So Billy hears this and immediately lays in. He argues with Jordon for a good 15 minutes. While I on the couch rolling with hunger pains, worried a fight would be breaking out any second. He asks Jordon how much everything is in our house, why we would buy that and not the vacuum. He even grabbed my purse, "why did you buy this," "uhhhhh-because I wanted it," "right and you want the Kirby, so why don't you buy it." "I'll take ten dollars off every foot you throw your old vacuum!" I mean come on this guy would not stop. Finally I chimed in and tried to explain to him that we don't just drop 3 G's on the drop of a hat, we would have to talk about it. 9:00(starving), Billy begins to sulk. He plops back down on the carpet, "Umm I need windex and towels to clean off my machine" ("Umm let me shove that windex up your...."). He pulled out every little piece of equipment, half of it Champ grabbing, not making it easier for him and begins to slowly wipe it off. He's gonna work on us while he cleans. "I lived in the projects growing up with no food, no money, but my mom had two Kirby's"...so your mom spent $6000 on kirbys for your one bedroom, and you didn't have enough for food? Umm...not a selling point. "When I first got to college, at 18, I saw a Kirby demonstration, I was hooked, I bought one for my dorm room"...umm you, a poor college student spent $3000 on your dorm carpet, when they have maids that vacuum for you....hmmm. 9:15, full of BS Billy is finally almost packed up, Uke has signed a hat for him given him 15 bucks to buy dinner, so his mood has lifted, I'm dying, Champs thieving...what a night. So anyways, our youthful, exciting night has turned into an hour and a half of an infomercial horror film. We finally go to eat, he sits at the bottom of our driveway, lit up, vacuum in hand, sorry buddy, ya didn't leave that one... This is a typical night in my glamourus life ;)