A little life-ism from me...

My stomach~ I hold everything in my stomach...and I don't just mean my "Hana pounds"..I mean as far as emotions/stresses/anxieties.  During various periods in my life I have had severe stomach troubles.  I have attributed it to stress, allergies, a host of different foods, acid...you name it I have I thought I had it.  Over the last year I have really been doing great.  Even though I was pregnant, I felt pretty good.  However, a few weeks ago I started getting plagued with an ailing stomach.  I had to go into work and was also juggling Hana and I thought that the stress of all of that was causing my troubled stomach.  I figured that once things settled down, I would be back to normal, and all my stomach problems would go away.  They didn't...weeks later I was still suffering.  I am the kind of person who really likes to get to the bottom of things.  I will obsess about it until I find the best solution.  After being "over" this issue...I decided to do a gut check(not literally, my stomach was too sore) and figure out the real source of my problem.  While I completely believe in medicine and doctors, I also believe that we have power in our bodies to figure out the source of our pain and sickness.  I started thinking about the various times in my life that I have had days/weeks/months of stomach problems.  I refused to think it was just a little stress...as I know I am not that weak of a person....and I have always thrived under pressure, deadlines, and challenges.  Some of my greatest moments were those when I have put a lot of pressure and stresses on my body and mind. I tend to thrive when I have a lot going on and when I am feeling challenged.  So naturally it bothered me to think that I couldn't handle the stress.  That is when I came to a realization.  I wrote down all the times I could remember having this stomach problem.  I analyzed the way I felt and what I was doing at the time.  These times weren't times when I had a host of challenging midterms surrounded by a conference track meet.  They weren't times when I'd had interviews or had to speak in front of an audience(things I dislike).  It wasn't when I was pregnant or tired or pushing my body too hard. 

After meditating and analyzing and praying, I finally found the solution, the times when I have had stomach problems were times when I felt out of control.   The times when I was putting pressure no myself and when I had tests and track meets were times I felt completely in control. I knew I had prepared and trusted my body was ready. Now it doesn't seem as though I would be out of control the last few weeks when I was juggling school and Hana, in fact you would think it would be the opposite..I was setting the schedule, I was with baby, I was in charge.  But I let myself take a back seat in a car I was supposed to be driving.  Isn't it amazing that us women do this.  I know so many women to seem to give up control of their lives and then suffer the consequences.  This is exactly what I have done in many situations. 

And here's how it happened. Knowing that I was going to be having a long-term sub and be out on maternity leave, I mentally gave control of my classroom to my sub. Even though I would be doing the setting up and getting everything started, I didn't feel in control of my classroom.  I wasn't making decisions like I ususally would and I felt pressured to do what I thought the sub would like.  I wasn't making my own choices, and I suffered. Also, I was worried about being away from Hana.  And while I am not that controling of a mom/wife I just felt like I was out of control with the whole situation.   I began last week fixing this, and going above and beyond taking control of my life and my time.  It has completely relieved my symptoms.  

So...why am I telling you this.  Well I think that there is a powerful moral here.  Life flies by, and the world doesn't stop spinning.  By letting things go and fester in our bodies and minds, we waste valuable time...and time is precious.  Take a beat and get to the source of your problem.  Eliminate it and move forward.